I’ve been a performing artist since I was a kid, but was always riddled with manic anxiety and profound depression in equal measure. Regardless of how much I struggled, I always knew it was my calling to perform—and I somehow, fighting tooth and nail the whole way, wrestled my way into (and through) a reasonably successful career as a creator/performer.
However, when I wasn’t on stage, in my day-to-day life, I was still acting, because I was playing the role of “person who is totally okay”. Meanwhile, I was often so anxious that my skin hurt, and I couldn’t taste my food. Or, I was so depressed that I was immobilized, weighed down with overwhelming inertia, and self-medicating with unhealthy behaviours.
Much to my surprise, as I panicked and stressed my way from project to project, gig to gig, during that time I had been told by many fellow artists that they saw me as “fearless”and “an inspiration.” What they didn’t see were the monsters inside my head, the violent self-loathing, the inescapable fight for comfort inside my body, and the constant ache in my chest. I self-medicated for years with alcohol and disordered eating. Behind the scenes, I was a bit of a mess, but I did my best to keep proving to the world that I was fearless. Or at the very least, worthy. Of anything.
Unfortunately, just like for anyone who’s not listening to their intuition, I lived in chronic and, at times, immobilizing anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. I continued to do my best, all the while on a constant search…reading books…and trying to answer the ever present question: “what’s wrong with me?!”
After a while, my work started to suffer, and I wondered what the heck I was doing with my life.
I took a break from touring theatre. I got sober, and I started a daily meditation practice.
I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. My average heart rate went down. My ability to handle stressful situations was significantly improved. The fog began to clear, and I actually started to enjoy my life here and there, for the first time in a long time. I understood that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me…my suffering was purely the result of cutting myself off from my spirit, my true essence. The part of me that chose to come here and have an earthly experience. My higher self, if you will.
I began to hear, listen to, and trust my intuition. I also began to recognize, see, hear and communicate with spirit again. I started a focused (and ever-ongoing) development of these abilities with mentors, and I began to embrace these abilities, and live into my true self.
Intuition in Action
In September 2021, I was in a meditation one afternoon when I heard, “Go into the living room. Jim (my husband) has something to show you.” He was watching a video titled something like, “10 signs you may be an adult living with undiagnosed ADHD”.
cough cough.
Yet another piece of the puzzle! Learning about, addressing and understanding how to best navigate my neurodivergent noodle was a significant key for my personal unlocking.
Truly understanding my brain and the root cause of so many of my life struggles has amplified my ability to move toward the life that I deserve, with grace and self-love.
Of course, it’s still messy. Of course, I’m still human. I’m not here to endow nuggets of wisdom from my misty-mountaintop of perfection. Nope.
I’m here to put my own journey aside and meet you with compassion, offering myself as a conduit, a tour guide of sorts, through focused areas of you life, and uncovering the map toward your highest potential. Or whatever you wanna talk about. *cheeky grin*
So, what questions are hanging over your life right now?
Who knows what you might be led toward when you focus in, and ask.
You may already have the answers coming to you, you genius, you!
If, however, you’d like help/company/a guide along the way, and my vibe seems to resonate with you, please book a reading with me. I’d love to see how I may serve your journey.